Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
