well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize