I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
