...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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