the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
