I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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