I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My pussy is not your playground.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
