went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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