So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Randomize
