It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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