If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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