Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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