I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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