You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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