Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
