Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
