dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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