"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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