We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
