Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
