i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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