The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
