Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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