real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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