My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
