Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
