Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
