I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
