low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
