Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
