The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
