Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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