my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
