it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
