I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
