I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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