Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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