How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
