Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
