My friends, they love my intelligence
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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