he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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