i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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