It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
whose parrot is this?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
