no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize