i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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