just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
