Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
this is an emotional support booty call
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
