Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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