I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
