Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
