I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
