literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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