im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
