she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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