Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
