I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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