I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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