I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
