I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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