the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
