totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
True strength comes from lack of pants
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize