Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
