Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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