Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
