I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
