I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
