Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
