Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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