Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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