I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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