There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dicks are not precious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
