You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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