The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
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