Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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