No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
