The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
