There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize