I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
