Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
