im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
